It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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