is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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