My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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