8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
