Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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