I'm drive I can fine osifer
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
