It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
