New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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