I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
