Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
