best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
