There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
