Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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