unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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