I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
