this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Vodka?
Forever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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