he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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