I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
