She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
