She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
