sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
