Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize