After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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