it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
