I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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