she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
