I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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