I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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