GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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