You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
