when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
