Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
