If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
