I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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