babies were throwing up all over the place
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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