I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
