I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
