sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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