Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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