i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
