He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
