dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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