Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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