I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think i got beer on your cat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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