Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
