he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
