she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
