You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
