I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
