dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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