Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
