If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
