i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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