very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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