today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
