it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
