apparently the secret to your success is patron
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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