He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
