God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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