he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
