I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
