I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Still dying that you shit outside
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
