dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
