The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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