benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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