I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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