Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
