when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
