Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They took my balls.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
