I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
