Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
