not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm bleeding and have questions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
