someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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