shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
