If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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