don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
