I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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